Perception decides ones’ character. There are plenty of illustrations to back this up. Half empty or half full is a very well know phrase about how one perceive things. Another is pretty interesting one, which I had mentioned on my facebook wall as well. What do you see when you see a rose in a garden? Well, not surprisingly enough, people see dreadful thorns around a beautiful rose. Few people notices how a rose blossoms among those dreadful thorns. If you got my point, that, my friend, is called perception.

The bottom line is, try to envision things from different perspective  if you want to be decisive in your life. By the way, I should probably go to South Korea in working visa some days, I love cherry blossoms. Cherry blossoms, is it Japan or Korea? … Maybe I should go to Wikipedia, right?

Some of my teachers are starting to get on my nerves. Exam is lurking just around the corner, waiting to hit me hard, and one of my lecturer is really not on the top of his game, this is really making me accept the fair share of confusion and frustration I’m getting. It really is hard to cope up with the situations like this. I’m having hard time to sort things out, but I suppose its just a matter of time until I pull my hairs. Maybe I’m just waiting for my brain to turn into scrambled eggs, ewww, I know!

One reason why many nations today are not as well developed as other powerful nations because they lack the ablilty to allocate the resources properly. There are literally millions of people who stay at home doing nothing but loathing. The resources are not being allocated properly. These people, who are capable of working, of course, could have contributed to the development of their nations by using their labour. The manpower is not being used properly. Work force is inefficently used, if used at all. Money creates jobs, this is for sure. Once people have disposable income, they come out of their ‘needs’ zone and start to wander wildly into their ‘wants’ zone. This causes increase in demands for goods and services, which will increase the size of markets and also may create some new markets, and this expansion in market means need for more workforce, and not only demand for workforce will increase, more skilled workforce will be needed. A nations’ economy will boom if the citizens are willing to spend more money.

I mean, they are not alien for Lord’s sake. But it’s horrifying to be with them. No, they have their body parts where they should be, but still it’s weird to be with them, because they can be so unstable, so fickle. You cannot mark their word for what they say. One day I asked one of them to do me a favor by depositing some money that I gave them into my account, but to my surprise, it was gone to the Tesco’s till, all hail my friends!

Anyways, I am gonna talk about another stuff that happened today. You see, I share an apartment with five guys, and you all know the holy word “circle-of-friends” and what it means. Some of their pals came from other county to stay, and for I-don’t-know-what coincidence, we had five other peeps here. It’s 6 in the morning, and I’m not the person who wakes up that early. Guess what, I ain’t got no sleep the whole frigging night. And it feels like I have had a dozen or two pints of beer yesterday. But that happens, you all know, I live with crazy peeps! LOL

Even today, that flash-back makes me feel mystified. I become dumbfounded. I have no idea who she is. Before I could even move my lips she vanished in the thin air. That incident has really shaken my heart. Whenever I think of that women, my heart starts to quiver. It’s agonizing that I cannot find the answer to the question that who she was and why she helped me and most importantly, what was going on with me! My life has completely changed ever since.

My name is Peter and I am an under-cover agent. I am 48 years old but still alone. I live in an apartment downtown. I have no friends and my co-workers also do not seem to get along with me. Its not that I am not a friendly, the reason might obviously be because of my reclusive nature.

Its 12:07 at noon. We have been alerted that a very witty criminal, actually a serial killer is roaming about the town. The killer is very brutal and vicious, leaving no evidence. This criminal is nearly invisible because of this style of doing crime, it happens in the blink of an eye. So our department has given its name a “Dark Shadow”. Yesterday it killed a cashier at the Bob Mart at the edge of the town. So I am heading for the investigation, of course alone! I am keeping vigil about the town, trying to trace out this criminal. Sleuthing, from place to place, holding a cigarette between my lips, inside a black Ford SUV given to me by my department. It’s late at night, still keeping vigil, sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette to pass the time. “It’s no use! He ain’t coming!” I drove to my office to register and go to my room.

On my way, the whole road and place around it was very silent. I could hear even the engine roaring to the loudest. No cars, no people, even traffic lights seemed to be dull. Green, yellow and red, just on its own, like for no one! “What’s going on?” Then, came the worst event of my life, the very same women, floating just few inches above the ground moving like a gust of wind to my right in front of me. She was dressed white, just like that day. I was totally terrified and tried not to let that expression be on my face. But the facade of indifference slowly wore off. I could even hear the speeding of my heartbeat. This silent movement was eerie, and just after few second of her disappearance, everything seemed usual. Cars, people, everything normal, just as the way it should be. “Man! That was horrible situation”. I could not breathe a relief breath at my apartment too, the reason is obvious, I am all on my own, and no one is with me. Once I closed my eyes on the bed, I could not dare to open it, because of the fear the she might be in front of me.

Days passed by, the criminal was not found yet. And everything seemed to get wrong with me. My world was completely shattered. People terrified by that “Dark Shadow”. My days passed discussing about the criminal and night sleuthing covert in my SUV.

This day was also usual like most of the normal days of my life, waking early, cleaning myself and back to office having coffee and donut while driving. Doing my usual thing, keeping vigil on that “till now unidentified” criminal whose existence I doubted, and late at night after reaching my apartment, I slept. I was almost deep sleep, when the phone bell rang. I was so scared that I could not open my eyes. Then gathering some courage, I peeped just to find the same women just right in front of me staring with a filthy smile. I was so horrified that I fell off the bed, then, man would you believe it, I found all those things happened to me, from downpour to that blood thirst sight, even my name and my job was just a part of a worst nightmare of my life.

The beautiful sound started echoing in my ears. I was way out of reality, deep into the world of happiness, where smile brightened everyone’s face. It made me hyperventilate, because every time I come here, it feels like as if it’s my first time. There is no way to describe my happiness, it is out of bound, it’s surreal. I wouldn’t want to leave this place. The blue water, green mountains, white and creamy clouds, air with uncanny beautiful smell, the colorful flowers that made our day. Oh, I just feel so like in heaven. But I stare as if my world have fallen apart as I start to plummet back to the world of jealousy, I try to reach my hand to grasp my imagination, but no, I can’t.

What’s gone with people here. I know we could have made our life as I had always imagined. I know my dream, our dream, can be real if we try. Why need guns, why all those hatred? I feel like crying, when I stare at the night-sky, my emotions start to collapse, my heart sink and it’s rather hard to collect myself. It seems it’s never possible, by no stretch of imagination, to make this world of dreams come back to reality. Maybe that’s what dreams are all about, maybe that’s why we all dream, to be happy, even if it is ephemeral. Maybe that’s why I always dream, to smile in my own world.

Ask me and my answer will be, never, at least for now, considering the current scenario of my country. It might be rude to say this, but that is how I see how the future goes here, because the ones who really can do something aren’t allowed to do their thing, and who really can’t do anything but mess are messing with the citizens’ right.

The country is breaking into pieces, new parties are emerging like mushroom in the woods. People are running amok, all chaos everywhere. The resources are being destroyed. The whole country is now on the verge of destruction. This is one of the main reason of brain-drain. We youths go abroad to seek a better life, even if we don’t want to do it. We love our country, but we also need a better life, we have a family to look after. There is no opportunity here. All this, because there is no prudent government, because there is no leader who loves the country, even if there is, they are trampled beneath the feet of pot-bellied, good for nothing, imprudent money seekers. Enough of their rants and raves, their fake promises. We need peace, we need our rights protected, we need patriotic leader, we need safety, we need the constitution. Jay Nepal!

Anyways, I wanted to post some “political” stuff today. I don’t believe the current scenario of my country. The constitution was in limbo, and now the date has been extended till the next year. I doubt if it will be drafted even by then.

Madhav Kumar Nepal is an ass, I hate that guy. I wonder when my country will be in peace and prosperity!

Personally, Babu Ram Bhattarai is a wise man, but he lacks eloquence. I don’t know if he is fits the bill for the post PM, but he surely is the best person so far to be a Finance Minister.

I just hope my country would be competing with other developed nation, and yeah, I hate India for the fact that they are interfering with our peace process and for the fact that they are invading our land.